Cate: Goldilocks is off on a mission but I promised him I would be more faithful and send in a report every other day. I'd like to do daily but we'll see. Wanted to share an incredible dream I had on Sunday night. I had just listend to one of Ken's wonderful clean-ups and my mind was at peace. This happened before George came to bed at 11:30 p.m. I was standing on some barren hilly terrain and suddenly my body felt very light and it lifted off the ground and began floating above the landscapes over hills and valleys. I was flying! I remember saying to myself "God is going to help me find my dream home." And so I flew and searched. And I found it, just as I expected, in central Oregon.
9/22/09: Huge gain get approved for 10/2 for PTO even though I was told to forget it as someone else was ahead of me on the waitlist. Get to share my gains after Asilomar on the Tuesday night teleconference with Larry. He has almost a gentle mood on these special follow-ups.
9/23/09: My day starts with a bang. I awaken feeling joyful and fully rested. I think "this is going to be a great day". Then I sit down at the computer and resistance hits me like a brick wall. The ego is determined to distract me. Several mild hot flashes keep my scores for the goals high and I have trouble focusing. Drat! Still committed, I roll into work for a healthy workout at the fitness center at 8:30 a.m. After a full body workout on the elipitcal, I feel recharged and renewed. Ten minutes of strength training feels great as well. My ego is trying to whisper that I will feel crummy and in considerable pain tomorrow morning, but I'm not listening. That's all for now. This is Cate reporting from somewhere in Enemy territory.
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Saturday, September 19, 2009
A Lesson Learned
Goldilocks: (urgency in voice) Goldilocks calling Cate. Come in please, over
Cate: (lightly as if nothing is wrong) Cate,here Goldilocks. Go ahead, over
Goldilocks: (both angry and relieved) (under breath) Thank God (loudly) Cate, is that really you?
Cate: It's me
Goldilocks: (unable to hold back his emotions) Well, where ,the blankety blank have you been?! We had to call up the troops and acitvate every man we could spare to look for you.
Cate: (calmly, demurely) Really, Goldilocks?
Goldilocks: (not amused) All right, cut the crap. This is not funny. We thought the enemy had grabbed you and chopped you into tiny pieces. HQ was convinced you'd defected.
Cate: But not you Goldilocks. Surely you know me better than that, right?
Goldilocks: (momentarily at loss for words) Well...I... Look we had word that some of our best agents had succombed to the Enemy's wiles and charms. What else was I supposed to think?
Cate: (suddenly serious) You're not kidding are you?
Goldilocks: No
Cate: You don't need to explain. I can tell from your voice. I know it's a jungle out there.
Goldilocks: (with some impatience) You didn't answer my question. If you haven't been wallowing in the enemy's lair for these last few months, how have you been occupying your time?
Cate: I'm sorry, Goldilocks, I went to the Final Step in September. I wanted to contact you sooner. But the Enemy has been monitoring my movements so closely. I didn't dare chance it. I'm okay, really. And I'm getting happier and happier. Isn't that what you want?
Goldilocks: (letting breath out slowly) Yes, of course.
Cate: Money continues to flow to me as well as other great gains. For example, you're not gonna believe this, but my work just added a meditation and quiet room just around the corner from my desk. I love it. I got a $100 bonus that I wasn't expecting, and June from New Albany, wants to be my releasing partner. I really want James to call me, but he's got some issues to deal with.
Goldilocks: (softly) Yes, we know.
Cate: (after reflecting) He's one of your best agents isn't he? You said you'd lost some of your best... Did the Enemy...? Oh, Goldilocks, not James.
Goldilocks: No one is exempt from the Enemy, Cate, you should know that. Not even me. (pause) Look, he may come back. There's always a chance. He has the power just like you do.
Cate: (rising hysteria) Goldilocks, you have to do something. You can't just leave him like that. You can't! He's done so much for me and my releasing.
Goldilocks: Cate, we can't touch 'em. You know that. Only he kin help himself.
Cate: (determinedly) I can get him to come back. I know I can!
Goldilocks: (firmly) Cate, drop it, now! You can't help James. When you committed yourself to our cause, you knew what you were getting into. He knew it as well. You need to discriminate. I repeat, you cannot help James. If he's lost, he's lost. Nothing you or I kin do about it. Now, let's get you off automatic. Does it help James for you to feel bad about him?
Cate: (getting control of her emotions) (in a low voice) No...
Goldilocks: So far so good. And would James want you to feel bad about 'em?
Cate: (stronger tone) No
Goldilocks: If it happened to you, do you think I could rescue you?
Cate: (swallowing hard) No...
Goldilocks: Do I need to go on?
Cate: No
Goldilocks: so tell me about the final step
Cate: Well, let's see. I faced all my fears and let them go one evening. And the ego tried a direct frontal attack by having Larry yell at me. But it didn't work. My "wanting approval" didn't kick in. Oh, I felt injured for maybe a few seconds because it was to unexpected, but after that I was fine. It was one of my greatest gains from the Final Step. Even that afternoon, I tried to get in touch with the shame but I couldn't find it. It wasn't there.
Goldilocks: (softly) He yelled out you pretty good. Didn't he?
Cate: (realization sets in) You know. don't you.
Goldilocks: Uh, yeah
Cate: You know everything that happened there don't you?
Goldilocks: (evasively) Oh, I dunno...
Cate: (knowingly) Yes, you do. Were you there?
Goldilocks: I am you, remember?
Cate: I...(suddenly stops) Oh (pause) now I understand.
Goldilocks: (softly) I am very proud of you, Cate. You are doing an exceptional job. Keep it up.
Cate: (with strong emotion) But what about Kim and Guarmo and James... Then there was Craig. (shudder) Will it happen to me...?
Goldilocks: I dunno. That's up to you. But I will say you've got to stop letting it bother you. You remember what Lester said "fear it, appear it" or "what you hold in mind, you will get."
Cate: but they were so strong in their releasing...
Goldilocks: (interrupting) Not any stronger than you are. You have the power if you would just tap into it.
Cate: I don't want to let you down..
Goldilocks: (breaking in) You won't.
Cate: (voice faltering) Are you sure...?
Goldilocks: Aren't you?
Cate: (with confidence and a smile) Yes!
Goldilocks: That's what I want to hear. Now, would you at least try to contact me more often? I don't enjoy trying to track you down. And I especially don't like sleepless nights.
Cate: I promise, Goldilocks. The enemy seems to be leaving me alone for now.
Goldilocks: Be careful. I don't have to tell you what that means.
Cate: Thanks, Goldilocks, I will be vigilant. I promise. Cate out.
Cate: (lightly as if nothing is wrong) Cate,here Goldilocks. Go ahead, over
Goldilocks: (both angry and relieved) (under breath) Thank God (loudly) Cate, is that really you?
Cate: It's me
Goldilocks: (unable to hold back his emotions) Well, where ,the blankety blank have you been?! We had to call up the troops and acitvate every man we could spare to look for you.
Cate: (calmly, demurely) Really, Goldilocks?
Goldilocks: (not amused) All right, cut the crap. This is not funny. We thought the enemy had grabbed you and chopped you into tiny pieces. HQ was convinced you'd defected.
Cate: But not you Goldilocks. Surely you know me better than that, right?
Goldilocks: (momentarily at loss for words) Well...I... Look we had word that some of our best agents had succombed to the Enemy's wiles and charms. What else was I supposed to think?
Cate: (suddenly serious) You're not kidding are you?
Goldilocks: No
Cate: You don't need to explain. I can tell from your voice. I know it's a jungle out there.
Goldilocks: (with some impatience) You didn't answer my question. If you haven't been wallowing in the enemy's lair for these last few months, how have you been occupying your time?
Cate: I'm sorry, Goldilocks, I went to the Final Step in September. I wanted to contact you sooner. But the Enemy has been monitoring my movements so closely. I didn't dare chance it. I'm okay, really. And I'm getting happier and happier. Isn't that what you want?
Goldilocks: (letting breath out slowly) Yes, of course.
Cate: Money continues to flow to me as well as other great gains. For example, you're not gonna believe this, but my work just added a meditation and quiet room just around the corner from my desk. I love it. I got a $100 bonus that I wasn't expecting, and June from New Albany, wants to be my releasing partner. I really want James to call me, but he's got some issues to deal with.
Goldilocks: (softly) Yes, we know.
Cate: (after reflecting) He's one of your best agents isn't he? You said you'd lost some of your best... Did the Enemy...? Oh, Goldilocks, not James.
Goldilocks: No one is exempt from the Enemy, Cate, you should know that. Not even me. (pause) Look, he may come back. There's always a chance. He has the power just like you do.
Cate: (rising hysteria) Goldilocks, you have to do something. You can't just leave him like that. You can't! He's done so much for me and my releasing.
Goldilocks: Cate, we can't touch 'em. You know that. Only he kin help himself.
Cate: (determinedly) I can get him to come back. I know I can!
Goldilocks: (firmly) Cate, drop it, now! You can't help James. When you committed yourself to our cause, you knew what you were getting into. He knew it as well. You need to discriminate. I repeat, you cannot help James. If he's lost, he's lost. Nothing you or I kin do about it. Now, let's get you off automatic. Does it help James for you to feel bad about him?
Cate: (getting control of her emotions) (in a low voice) No...
Goldilocks: So far so good. And would James want you to feel bad about 'em?
Cate: (stronger tone) No
Goldilocks: If it happened to you, do you think I could rescue you?
Cate: (swallowing hard) No...
Goldilocks: Do I need to go on?
Cate: No
Goldilocks: so tell me about the final step
Cate: Well, let's see. I faced all my fears and let them go one evening. And the ego tried a direct frontal attack by having Larry yell at me. But it didn't work. My "wanting approval" didn't kick in. Oh, I felt injured for maybe a few seconds because it was to unexpected, but after that I was fine. It was one of my greatest gains from the Final Step. Even that afternoon, I tried to get in touch with the shame but I couldn't find it. It wasn't there.
Goldilocks: (softly) He yelled out you pretty good. Didn't he?
Cate: (realization sets in) You know. don't you.
Goldilocks: Uh, yeah
Cate: You know everything that happened there don't you?
Goldilocks: (evasively) Oh, I dunno...
Cate: (knowingly) Yes, you do. Were you there?
Goldilocks: I am you, remember?
Cate: I...(suddenly stops) Oh (pause) now I understand.
Goldilocks: (softly) I am very proud of you, Cate. You are doing an exceptional job. Keep it up.
Cate: (with strong emotion) But what about Kim and Guarmo and James... Then there was Craig. (shudder) Will it happen to me...?
Goldilocks: I dunno. That's up to you. But I will say you've got to stop letting it bother you. You remember what Lester said "fear it, appear it" or "what you hold in mind, you will get."
Cate: but they were so strong in their releasing...
Goldilocks: (interrupting) Not any stronger than you are. You have the power if you would just tap into it.
Cate: I don't want to let you down..
Goldilocks: (breaking in) You won't.
Cate: (voice faltering) Are you sure...?
Goldilocks: Aren't you?
Cate: (with confidence and a smile) Yes!
Goldilocks: That's what I want to hear. Now, would you at least try to contact me more often? I don't enjoy trying to track you down. And I especially don't like sleepless nights.
Cate: I promise, Goldilocks. The enemy seems to be leaving me alone for now.
Goldilocks: Be careful. I don't have to tell you what that means.
Cate: Thanks, Goldilocks, I will be vigilant. I promise. Cate out.
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