Two Steps Forward One Step Back

Cate: Cate, callng Goldilocks, come in, please, over

Goldilocks: Goldilocks here, Cate, I read you. Go ahead over

Cate: Wanted to share a great gain that I had yesterday plus a couple of minor loses but since I know you're a "good-news-first" man yourself I'll start with the positive.

Goldilocks (tongue in cheek) Okay, I'm positve that's a great way to start.

Cate: Thanks, anyway usually, right after lunch I have trouble staying awake. I have actually fallen asleep on a call but that's another story. Anyway, I love Ken's releasing technique where he welcome's the feeling, allows it to be there, accept's it, embraces it, love's it and says "yes" to it. I tried it and I was amazed at how quickly that sleepy feeling left. I mean it was instantaneous.

Goldilocks: Great job, Cate. You really are moving up since we first started corresponding almost a year ago.

Cate: Maybe, but now let me tell you about my tomato plants. I purchased two that were fairly far along in their growth cycle, blooms and everything. One, I put in my upside down tomato planter and the other I planted in our big urn on our deck because with all the rain we had in June we couldn't plow or prepare the garden. The upside down plant was doing fabulously well until I tried moving it to a more sunny spot in the yard. We were going to hang it from the old storage shed by the garden but the hanger was not strong enough for the weight of the planter. (It weighed close to 40 or 50 pounds with all the dirt) Hardly had we started to walk away from it's new location when CRASH! The bolt broke and it fell three of four feet to the ground. The weight of the planter crushed the poor plant, breaking it in three places. I was heart sick to lose it so quickly.

Goldilocks: (empathetically) I'm sorry, Cate.

Cate: (sigh) so was I but I turned all my attention to my robust plant on our deck. It actually had a green tomato on it about the size of a large grape. Proudly I watched it grow until Sunday, I walked out and I couldn't find the tomato. I looked where it should have been but only saw dried blossoms. Then I looked at the boards next to the urn and there it was. A little varmit (I suspect a chipmunk) had pulled it off and eaten off the top and then dropped it, like it wasn't good enough. This time I felt anger as well as grief. I wanted to kill that pesky thief.

Goldilocks: uh huh, strong feelings. I hope you let them go.

Cate: They might still be down there, but we'll talk about that later. So I accepted another backset and told myself there was still plenty of time for the plant to develop tomatoes. The weather has cooled down considerably from the low swealtering 90's of last week. Great tomato growing weather. But last night when I walked out on the deck my grief came up once more. The strong winds had broken one of the main dividing branches and it hang limply like a broken arm. I quickly located a soda straw and devised a makeshift splint. I'm hoping it will survive. It looked okay last night, but I didn't have the courage to look at it this morning. Today is another windy day and my mind wants me to fear the worst.

Goldilocks: Sounds like you have a problem.

Cate: (starting to discriminate) Well...not really. It's only in my mind. But I can't seem to shake it.

Goldilocks: Maybe you should try Ken's release process.

Cate: (thinking out loud) Maybe. But for some silly reason I just hate to see a tomato plant die. I really hate killing one outright. I don't know why. I guess because its a living thing and it's so vibrant and alive one minute and limp and lifeless the next. It's not a good feeling.

Goldilocks: Does that tell you something?

Cate: Yeah, my feelings are running me.

Goldilocks: Good, and what do you intend to do about it?

Cate: Get bigger than my ego and tell them to "take a hike" or " jump in the lake" because I don't need them any more.

Goldilocks: Good for you. I'd start bringing up all those feelings you have about killing tomato plants or watching them die. It's down there.

Cate: Thanks, Goldilocks. Oh, almost forgot I booked my flights to Asilomar for 9/4/09. Got the times I wanted and the price wasn't that bad either.

Goldilocks: You're also much more consistant this month with your reports. Another job well done. (pause) Imagine June is almost gone. See you in July. Goldilocks out.